Melissa Auf der Maur Reveals How a Visit from a 'Demon' at 19 Inspired the Title of Her Memoir (Exclusive)

Ilana KaplanMon, March 16, 2026 at 9:38 PM UTC

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Melissa Auf der MaurCredit: Jessica Chappe Photography -

Melissa Auf der Maur opens up to PEOPLE about how a supernatural dream inspired the title of her memoir

The musician and author also reflects on her friendship with Courtney Love and the time she bonded with Stevie Nicks over fashion

Even the Good Girls Will Cry is out Tuesday, March 17

Back in 2020, Melissa Auf der Maur had an epiphany. By the age of 50, she wanted to have a draft of her memoir completed. While the book, titled Even the Good Girls Will Cry, might be filled with anecdotes about her bohemian upbringing in Montreal, the '90s grunge scene and past romances with rockstars, the musician and photographer wants to make one thing clear — she wrote the book for her daughter.

"I wanted to have a draft of my memoir for my daughter, so I can have her one day be able to read her mother's version of her coming into womanhood and her childhood," Auf der Maur, 53, tells PEOPLE. "So much of our lives are unpacking our parents' and our grandparents' pain, power, dramas, traumas. Each one of us embodies a universe of all of these people who came before us, not to mention the world, but our families are microcosms of what we inherit that is not ours."

The former Smashing Pumpkins and Hole bassist wanted to "lighten" her load, not only for herself but her daughter, too.

Even the Good Girls Will Cry, out Tuesday, March 17 via Da Capo, details Auf der Maur's beginnings — how a thrown beer bottle and a fan letter to a P.O. Box helped her band Tinker land an opening slot for the Smashing Pumpkins and created a life-changing, deep connection with Billy Corgan, and her experience being thrust into the spotlight with Hole amid Courtney Love's grief over the death of Kurt Cobain.

"The day my book comes out is also Billy's birthday, and for all the new-age astrology believers and freaks out there, that's how we bonded," notes Auf der Maur, who also founded the upstate New York arts and performance venue, Basilica Hudson.

Even the Good Girls Will Cry, which is part-rock memoir, part-travel diary and part-dream journal, offers a vivid portrait of a bygone era and the meaningful art that shaped Auf der Maur.

"I dedicate this book to my 14-year-old daughter and all the girls because they have to continue this legacy of how are we going to stick together? How are we going to protect ourselves? How are we going to empower women in a male-dominated world?" she says.

In an interview with PEOPLE, Auf der Maur opens up about her experience with supernatural dreams, her friendship with Love and the time she bonded with Stevie Nicks over fashion.

Melissa Auf der Maur in New York City in 2001Credit: Melissa Auf der Maur

PEOPLE: What led you to writing your memoir, and what was the process like?

MELISSA AUF DER MAUR: I don't want to give credit to the pandemic for anything other than it did stop everyone's life, and you did get a moment to look inside. I had been in this decade of really localized living and being a mother, and all of a sudden it was just shut down. It was a perfect time where we were just home alone, and a friend told me about an L.A. writing school that had this program that a lot of people liked called “Memoir in a Year.” Because of COVID, it was online. The moment I started the class, it just put me on the path. I had this amazing cohort of women [and] had a monthly memoir club, a monthly sharing of each other's work and reflections. Most of them were actually writers — they actually were either journalists or writing teachers. I was the only non-writer, but I come from [writer parents], so I felt at home. I had a draft by the age of 50, and then I sold it by 51.

PEOPLE: There's a lot of personal anecdotes about the people you've worked with, the people you've loved. Is there anything you're particularly apprehensive about sharing or somebody reading in the book?

AUF DER MAUR: When the legal team reviewed the book, I learned about the slippery slope of celebrities' rights of their private life, and that celebrities have less rights than private citizens do because…their stories [are] in PEOPLE Magazine. [They’ve] already been out there. You're not sharing something that other people don't know already. For a lot of memoirs or a lot of biographies, it's the people you don't expect that are lesser-known people in my book that could get upset. That changed my awareness. Honestly, [it’s] more family, childhood friends, people that aren't known that are being put out into the world through my book. That is the unknown and the vulnerable place for me.

PEOPLE: Obviously three of the biggest characters in the book are Billy, Courtney, and Dave Grohl. Have they read copies of the book yet?

AUF DER MAUR: They're all very supportive. They all believe in me or care about me and want me to primarily be creatively satisfied with my work, but also be received in a successful way. Courtney, literally yesterday was [like], “Where's my copy?” I sent her an advance through her managers. I'm like, "Today, overnight incoming. Thank you." She trusts me. Dave and his team got copies a few weeks ago. I've done my best. But the cool one was Billy, who already had read it in advance because he wanted to support me in my book and have me on his podcast. He wanted to make sure that his following of fanatical Pumpkins fans heard about my book because I don't have as much of a reach as any of these people.

I reached out to almost every major character in my book and told them I'm writing a memoir. They're all really quite difficult, if not controversial people, but I love them. They know that, and they trust me. Everyone that was ever in a band with me or in a '90s love affair with me knows that success and money is not my priority. I want a real life. So, I'm not exploiting anybody for success here. Anything I'd tell, I felt like I needed to share it because it had something to do with my personal coming-of-age and wanting to share my story with women and other people who also are coming into themselves, who have to learn how to stay true to themselves.

PEOPLE: One thing I really enjoyed in the book is that you spoke about your years of having these otherworldly messages and dreams. Can you talk about what those are and when they emerge? I was trying to understand that.

AUF DER MAUR: When I was assigned the editor that was going to really hold my hand, the first thing I said in the first meeting is “I have to weave the esoteric, new-age thread throughout the entire book, even though it threatens to alienate or make people laugh at me. I was very aware that I did not want to lose readers by highlighting the true fact. My life was changed by dreams I had that terrified me. I did not want wild ghost visitations as a teenager to change my life. This was not what I was seeking. I did not grow up with parents who told me the witches and ghosts were everywhere. I was a very earthly human, but some of these messages came.

I decided to bring [readers] into the dream, have them interpret it however they want, have them imagine what if that happened to them when they were 19? Would that make them believe that weird s--- out there exists? I cannot explain it other than I had this series of strange, science-fiction-meets-terrifying-ghost-story dreams that shook me awake in every way. It made me see the world differently — and it quite literally gave me the title of this book. And I didn't figure out that the demon, when I was 19, whispered the title of this book in my ear until I'd already written the entire book. It had a completely different title. When I was visited by a demon [at] 19, I never wanted to write [those words] down. I was so haunted and scared by it. I had never written it down until I was finishing this book, and I wrote it down and realized that's the name of the book. A demon gave me the name of my book. So that's that.

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PEOPLE: You obviously experienced a lot of chaos and fame amid the height of Hole. Is there a particular celebrity encounter that stands out to you from that time?

AUF DER MAUR: Danny DeVito was my first encounter with Hollywood celebrity. When Hole played L.A., there he was backstage at the after party. It was the first time I did what no one did — now everybody does — "Can I take your picture?" I put my arm around him and took this super sweet selfie of me and Danny. That's when I realized, “Oh, this is celebrity island now. I've entered a new dimension.”

Melissa Auf der Maur's 'Even the Good Girls Will Cry' coverCredit: Da Capo

PEOPLE: In the book, you opened up about your first encounter with Stevie Nicks. Tell me more about that.

AUF DER MAUR: I opened the chapter with the dialogue, and you don't know who is saying what to me yet, and it's about the boots. When anyone thinks of Stevie Nicks, other than California, it's those boots. Standing in that storage space with rows and rows of custom gorgeous '70s high-heeled boots was a highlight of [the] fashion experience for me.

That moment, where you get to meet a hero and covet her fashion in her closet is such a timeless woman experience. Being able to bring a reader into a very sweet sisterhood moment with a female mentor around something as silly as boots, every girl in the world relates to getting excited about your new pair of boots or your best friend's boots. It was really cool to have that basic innocence happen between Courtney and I and Stevie. Because that's also a part of what I'm trying to touch on in the book — other than “women should stick together” and “women still have so much work to do together — is a cross-generational passing of baton.

PEOPLE: In the book, you share the letter Courtney wrote you when you were decided to leave Hole. Did she give you permission to share that?

AUF DER MAUR: That was the only permission. I actually did get her permission to reproduce the two letters that are both very extensive. For me, one of the priorities was to reframe Courtney for readers to understand the insider and deep compassion, but also someone with a credible perspective. I was in this chaos and car crash that was her life for a while. I have both an honest view, but also a very protective view of her. I saw the brutality that she went through in the wake of her husband's suicide. All this insane burning at the stake and demonizing of her was in the course of the book. It is of great importance for me to help reframe how we, America and music history, have treated her and the discounting of her brilliance and talent based on focusing on the difficult parts of her, or the ambitious parts of her, or the outspoken parts of her, or the self-destructive parts of her. Wanting to reframe her was key.

Reading those letters 20 years later and recognizing how generous and intelligent she was towards me, I feel like [it] helps the arc of the book of trying to reframe this person that people might underestimate how actually generous and intelligent and caring she is. I did a very cool, very sisterly [thing], like with the boots. I went to visit her in London because I sang on her new record that's coming out. I'm very excited for her, very proud of her. She has an incredible new record. I brought a copy of the letter, the “Beauty Manifesto” one, the other letter, and I had her read it to me 25 years later, just like, "Tell me now." And she, of course, doesn't remember 25 years ago telling me. It was so beautiful to have a girlfriend revisit her letter to you.

Courtney Love in Chicago in 1995Credit: Melissa Auf der Maur

PEOPLE: You and Courtney seemed to recently tease a tour but then shut down those rumors. Do you have an album that you've been working on as well?

AUF DER MAUR: I've been focusing on the book and the photos. You see, I was a photography student. I had fine art dreams. Those got left behind when I got hijacked by rock music. So what's interesting is my entry writing the book was partly trying to reclaim my love of music and reclaim the innocence by returning to the girl who was an obsessive music fan who got to be in her favorite band. That is a big part of why I personally wanted to write it, was to reconnect with music, hoping that I find my way back into it. I did retire from rock music when I became a mother because I wanted to be home. I wanted to transform. I wanted to experience the world in a new way, but I do miss it a lot. I do miss my bass. She's just staring at me right there wondering, why aren't you touching me? I don't know how I will go back in, but I am for the [upcoming Art Gallery of Ontario's Melissa Auf der Maur: My '90s Rock Photographs] exhibit, creating a soundtrack, a score, an installation. So I have been in the studio making a bass-centered ambient score to my photo exhibit, so that in the museum there will be sound. That's a sneaky backdoor way into music.

PEOPLE: Are you open to a Hole reunion in the future?

AUF DER MAUR: I mean, I have no idea.

Courtney Love and Melissa Auf der Maur in 1999 in Los AngelesCredit: SGranitz/WireImage

PEOPLE: Have you guys discussed it at all?

AUF DER MAUR: I mean, we've been discussing it for 25 years. Even when we weren't in touch, I'd get messages from [Courtney’s] people. It's a mystery. Just like love is a mystery, the woman is a mystery, but also romance. Clearly, Courtney and I are not dictated by business sensibilities, we are both moved by forces from within that are mysterious. We've had brief conversations of the “what if." But, put it this way, 2026, for whatever poetic reasons, we are both returning with something. My book, my perspective as the bass player is coming out right now, my love and protection of the legacy of the Hole that I do believe is living in the gutters of YouTube. And those are powerful YouTube gutters, but I am pretty upset about the overlooked legacy of that band.

So my return and my participation in reframing the legacy of Hole and then Courtney with that incredible film, her record that I am so impressed with, that I sing all over. When I was in the studio, the magic and the mystery is how good I felt singing in the studio to her voice and bringing the mermaid, siren call, angelic thing that I did in Hole or wrapped around her incredible growl. It did feel good. I don’t know. We never know what's going to happen.

Billy Corgan and Melissa Auf der Maur in May 2000 in Los AngelesCredit: Gary Friedman/Los Angeles Times via Getty

PEOPLE: How did Billy Corgan help you land your first song with Hole?

AUF DER MAUR: Well, it didn't make it on the record. It was left on the cutting [room] floor. It was fully recorded. For those who know the story and will read the book, [Billy] was the one who discovered me, plucked me out of underground in Montreal. He was a mentor, a teacher, a guide for me. And it was interesting that he ended up in the mix of the Celebrity Skin writing sessions.

It was interesting that he was the one who asked me to bring in my songs when I was a bass player. I was there to support Courtney and Eric's songs. In the old tradition of rock bands, the bass player and the drummer are overlooked. I was happy to show that moment of generosity where Billy actually turned to the bass player and said, "What about you? Do you have songs?" I didn't make my solo records until after leaving those two bands, but it was very, very sweet. It was just Billy thinking about the girl he met when she was 19, who seemed to have something to say.

Even the Good Girls Will Cry is out March 17.

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